OK, folks. Here it is. The blog post you’ve been waiting for, the answer to the question you’ve been agonizing over. How do you know that guy you’ve been dating for the last 4, 9, 27 months is THE ONE? You met at small group, things quickly escalated as you went from staring awkwardly across the Bible study circle to sitting next to each other, and from smiling in passing between church services to attending the same service. (Whoa.) You went on your first date to that one restaurant that everyone goes on their first date to, or maybe you went conservative and just “did coffee”.
After a while of this slightly awkward “talking” phase (though how much actual talking it involves depends on the two people, more on that here), he asked you to be his girlfriend. Whoa. You felt like you had really hit the big time. (Whatever that means.) At some point you brought him home to meet your family and held your breath hoping your dad wouldn’t interrogate him (in front of you, at least). You got to know his friends, his past, his parents. Maybe some of those were messier situations than others, but you stuck it out.
You kept dating.
And dating.
And alllll the while, you were (perhaps frantically) trying to decide THE BIG QUESTION.
IS HE THE ONE!?!?!
[I will pause momentarily here and qualify the term “THE ONE”. Disney may, perhaps, sue me, but I don’t really care. Sometimes people (usually of the girl variety) get all wrapped up in this idea of THE ONE being one single, solitary human being in the universe that they must somehow find among all the other human beings who is their one and only match made in heaven. I think that is a whole lot of stress-inducing, nonsensical hyper-romantic frippery. When I say THE ONE, I mean the single, solitary human being you want to choose to love even when they decide that growing a mustache is a good idea, or they leave their dirty socks on the floor. Now that we have that established, let us continue.]
So, is he? I mean, it’s kind of an important question, and goodness knows everyone and their mother is going to want to know if he’s THE ONE. If he is THE ONE, they’ll want to know when you’re getting engaged and if he’s not, they’ll want to know why in tarnation you’re still dating him. Because they love you, and they're nosy.
Well, reader, I have one question for you. Probably you should sit down for this one.
Does
he
make
you
happy?
*Braces for impact of all manner of theologically sound backlash*
I know, I know, you don’t need to be happy, it’s all about joy, and marriage is about making you holy, not happy, and what about doctrinal compatibility and similar political alignment and and and…
And are you finished protesting yet?
Ok, great.
Yes. You’re right. Happiness is circumstantial and joy is a product of walking with Jesus. Marriage tends to knock off your rough edges, and doctrine and politics matter.
But.
Isn’t that all understood? Do I really have to tell you that you should be dating someone like that? Do you need someone to explicitly say, look, since you’re going to be married to this person for the rest of your life, you should probably agree on the Big Four (religion, kids, politics and money). Do you have to have it spelled out to you that if you have a reasonably normal set of family and friends and they don’t like who you’re dating, that’s a PROBLEM?
So what’s left? If you agree on red and blue issues, how much money you want to give away, that you like kids, and that chasing after Jesus is the most important thing, what’s left?
Does
he
make
you
happy?
Because let me tell you, I know puh-lenty of guys that I agree with about the Big Four, but they don’t make me happy. They don’t include me on adventures or make me laugh or take me dancing or sit and listen and hold me when I’m a blubbering mess. I don't wake up thinking about them, and have fun just doing whatever with them. They don't make me melt with the words they say or the things they do. They don't give me internal fireworks or heart palpitations or any other signs of really liking someone. They just agree with me about how the country should be run and whether or not John MacArthur is a good author. That's all fine and dandy, but there's no convincing me that just because we agree on those things, they're THE ONE. So assuming you’re not on the other end of the spectrum and an idiot dating a bad boy thinking you can reform him or something, the only question you really have to answer is:
Does
he
make
you
happy?
Yeah? Then probably he’s A GOOD ONE and probably you should marry him if he asks you. [He’s not really THE ONE until you walk back down that aisle hand in hand having promised to love him on Thursdays and Christmas Days and days when he wears purple socks and every other kind of day there is.] Rest easy, dear one, it’s simpler than you thought.
Much love and in love,
Little Miss Sunshine
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