Confession 54: Why I Go to Church

Confession 54: I am so excited to be back at my home church, but not for all the reasons you might think.

I'm really excited to see my church family again.  They are such a warm, welcoming sunny day in my life, and they are very special people.  The tech crew does cool stuff with backlighting sometimes, and the worship band is good enough to put out CDs and probably go on the road.  Our pastor is hilarious and has a dry sarcasm that comes from his years in the business world.  The grass is always green, and you can buy a caramel soy non fat latte on the rocks after church at the café if you want.  The doctrine is clean as a whistle, and you can give your offering online. 

Those are the nice reasons I'm so excited to be going home to Redemption. 

There are also reasons that give this post its title.  I want to climb the church ladder.  I want to get back and be so involved and plugged in and community-ized that people know who I am.  I want them to know that I'm one of those super involved ministry people.  I want to make a name for myself. 

It's the church kid version of the popularity contest.  I want to serve in children's ministries and hang out with my 20 something "life group" and be involved in multi-generational mentoring and teach English to refugees and and and build my kingdom.  Maybe if I just show up to enough events, get emotionally involved enough in worship, take enough notes in the sermon so I can know enough, maybe that will satisfy God.  Maybe I can take that to Him as my offering instead of a contrite heart and a broken spirit.   

Sure, none of those things are bad, and yes, I am authentically interested in getting involved in them.  But the minute that motive changes from "Love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might" and "be a blessing to all the families of the earth" to building my own little desert kingdom, it turns gross.  I start thinking maybe I can make God happy by doing stuff and earn my way towards paying back the debt I owe Him.  Maybe I can undo the work of grace so that I'm under no obligation to do things that make me uncomfortable. 

Bob Deffinbaugh puts it this way in his notes on Israel's demand for a king in 1 Samuel 8.

Men loathe grace. It is detestable and loathsome, because it is charity. Grace does not bolster our pride; it produces humility. When we pay for something (by works or money), we think we own it. We think that when we pay for something we are in control. When we receive grace, we are not in control. God is in control. Grace is sovereignly bestowed, and so we cannot dictate how and when God will grant it to us; we cannot control its benefits. But good old fashioned work (we falsely suppose) obliges God to bless us. When we do the right things, God must respond predictably. We are in control. God becomes our servant. And so men would rather pay – and pay greatly –to maintain their pride and sense of control.  

That's a pretty serious charge.  I want to own God.  I don't want to be out of control.  I would rather pay through the nose and have things my way (which is an illusion to begin with) than let God change my hard, cracked, gnarly heart with His big huge love.  That change is scary.  That change is one reason why hard hitting, super convicting sermons are not on my nice list of reasons I'm so excited to be back at church.  They aren't safe.  They might make my comfortable life unbearable because it has corners not surrendered to God's grace.  They might reveal weaknesses that I have or sin that I'm allowing to stick around.  They might ask me to do something hard.  Who wants to go to church to be challenged?  Isn't it much nicer to just have an emotional worship experience, listen to a pastor talk about the Bible through a few stories and jokes, maybe a hipster cool video to wrap it all up, and chuck ten bucks in the offering box on your way out. 

That denies the human condition.  It denies the purpose of church.  It denies the character of God Himself.  Funny sermons and happy bands lull us into thinking we're OK, that we aren't broken and hurting because of our own choices to do the wrong thing.  Programs that keep you busy and feeling like a moral hero distract you from "spur one another on toward love and good deeds" and "bear each others burdens" and "confess your sins, one to another".  Church without challenge denies the existence of a God who demands and deserves our whole life.

So, why do you go to church?

Love from Down Under,

Little Miss Sunshine