Ladies, may I introduce you to your competition

 

Dear Christian Girl,

I saw you checking out that Lewis-quotin-Bible-totin tall, dark and handsome usher this morning.  You thought no one saw you, but I did.  Now before you go joining his small group and showing up for Jesusified Ultimate Frisbee, you ought to know some things.  You have some competition, and I'm not talking about that pretty blonde that got baptized last week.  This competition is a little more serious. 

Fear.  I don't care how down to earth and chilled out you are; you scare him.  You're a girl.  It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be terrified of women.  (Thank you, Jane, darling.)  Let's face it, men don't understand us.  They can think they do, and as a part of a growing process they can approach understanding, but for the most part, they're young and clueless.  We respond to things differently.  We think about things differently.  Sometimes we cry.  Sometimes we wear really pretty dresses that rob them of their faculty of speech. 

Barring all of that sort of fear, there's still a fear of rejection.  What if we shut them down?  What if we give them a pitying look and say, "let's just be friends".  What if we laugh?  Let me tell you, having a DTR (define the relationship) conversation is terrifying.  I never understood this until I had one.  I mean, not a real one.  I was sitting around with some of my guy friends talking about DTRs.  They were complaining how difficult and awkward they were to have with girls because you didn't know what to say.  I scoffed at them, so one of my friends challenged me to a DTR then and there.  He told me to assume a little role reversal and pretend I was a guy trying to have a DTR.  IT WAS SO HARD.  I had no idea what to say, and I couldn't even really look him in the face.  This was one of my best guy friends, and I couldn't even talk through this fake conversation.  So, cut them some slack, it's harder than you think. 

Confusion.  That whole feminist movement didn't just liberate women into being alone and confused.  It left guys feeling that way too.  For hundreds of years, opening the door and offering your chair and giving a hand was encouraged and commended.  After feminism ravaged the cultural landscape, guys weren't sure if we would snarl or thank them for carrying our heavy packages.  Aside from the cultural confusion, there is also a question of identity.  Evil would have men here... 

 fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.  
(Thanks, Clive Staples)
Evil would have men believing that they must domineer and control instead of lead and provide.  Evil would have men believing that their value is in their sexiness or their physical fitness or their mental might.  Drag these misconceptions into a relationship and things can get messy faster than a puppy in a puddle.  Relationships between men and women have been strained since the Fall, and dating is no exception.  A word of advice?  Communicate clearly what you expect and appreciate.  Shoot straight with them.  Even if it's a little awkward, they'll be glad you did. 

Insecurity.  To think guys are immune to being insecure is like thinking they're immune to the common cold.  They're human, and sometimes they're going to fail at putting all their confidence in Christ's finished work (just like the rest of us).  In the same way that we get caught up in the world's idea of what a girl should look like, they see guys on the cover of GQ and think, wait, is that what I'm striving for?  Is that what girls want?  They see Fortune 500 execs and wonder if "providing" looks like a six figure paycheck.  With so much confusion about what a good man looks like, it's no wonder they're a little insecure about how to be themselves.  Affirm them.  Thank them.  See things in them that God values that culture doesn't.  Let them know that you value a heart on fire for Jesus and His kingdom.  Let them know that gentleness is not being a sissy, and "manning up" isn't being a chauvanist pig. 

The good news for Good Girls everywhere is there are Good Guys left in the world.  Trust me, I know a lot of them.  Hold out for that C.S. Lewis-loving man, or at least start handing out a few copies of Mere Christianity to the guys you know.  Walk in wisdom, girl, we're living in some tricky days. 

Take down the competition one lie at a time. 

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine

A Psalm of Smallest Proportions

All at once I was a dust mote,

suspended

in the river of Your light streaming

through Time's window.

I was no longer the center,

just existing in a small way

to make You more visible;

drawn by Your brightness,

arrested by Your glory;

all at once I was a dust mote,

suspended.

Getting the Girl: What You're Up Against

Dear Christian Guy,

I saw you checking out Christian Girl at church today.  Yes, the one with the John MacArthur Study Bible.  You thought no one was looking.  You thought wrong.  It's OK, I won't tell anyone else, but I will tell you a thing or two while you're here.  In a perfect world you could just sidle up to that good-lookin-Jesus-lovin girl and ask her out; she'd promptly bat her eyelashes, blush and say yes.  Well, honey, I hate to break it to you, but you have some competition. 

First of all, let me speak to the most annoying competition - the Bad Boy.  It is an age-old question muttered in exasperation by fine upstanding Good Guys  and whispered in confusion by best friends - Why do Good Girls fall for Bad Boys?  I certainly don't aim to solve it, but I'll shed a little light on it while we're here.  Sometimes they fall for El Malito because he's bold and brash and full of bravado.  At the moment it doesn't matter that he's also that other b word because her eyes are so full of the first three qualities.  

He might call her Honey and treat her like a princess, and he might even mean it at the time, even if he repents of it later.  He might be a charmer and sing to her and ask her about her dreams.  He's well versed in the language of love, even if he wouldn't know the real thing if it ran over him.  Sometimes girls fall for the Bad Boy because they're dumb and don't have friends smart enough to tell them so, but that's another blog post for another time.  Be gentle, be wise, but have guts.  Better to get turned down for being bold than to be a lonely chicken.  Show the Bad Boy who's boss.  

Your next enemy is a little more daunting, permeating, far-reaching.  Yes, John D. Oe in the second row, you are right in guessing the Media.  Bravo.  Back in the day, girls gaped over the Sears and Roebuck catalogue, or the chance Vogue magazine laying around.  Those were publications that came in the mail.  Now we have Victoria's Secret models glowering down at us from mall walls, and perfume ads that try to convince you that wearing Ralph Lauren eau de sexy will definitely end in you making out with a shirtless model man.  Ew.  It's on billboards, magazines, makeup packaging, oh, and Facebook and Pinterest.  

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkqus1xVf51qgx1spo1_500.jpg 

We're supposed to be 5'8", size 0 with curves and hair that glows like a sunset in the Bahamas.  Sure, girls realize those images are edited and it's not our fault that we're 5'5" and a size 6, but it gets to us.  Sometimes we think, geez louise, I'm never going to get a guy if I can't afford $50 haircuts and Christian Louboutin shoes and fit into those skinny minny jeans.  Media says, "Be this and you'll be worth something, fail and you'll be forgotten and insignificant".  And it scares us.

Now that you're wielding your sword of manly manness against Bad Boys and Media Mongers, here's your last and perhaps most difficult task in the quest to getting the girl.  Your final foe is the girl herself.  Oh, we can be fierce and tough in the office, relentless in the classroom, and a samurai swordswoman on the operating table, but you can turn us to a sloppy mess of melted chocolate.  We don't like being made vulnerable.  Whether it's a bad past experience or a heritage of divorce, even when we trust you, we aren't so sure that we should.  

Forty years of feminist aftermath and we're liberated to being alone and confused.  We're looking for knights but hardly dare dream that they will come.  David's mighty men of valor surely don't still exist?  Could we really find a man whose first instinct in trouble is prayer, who dares to win the heart of the girl he loves - even after they've been married for a decade, who will lead us closer to Jesus Himself?  Doubts assail us at every turn.

It's a lot.  I know.  I'm sorry I turned your checking out that cute girl into a complicated blog post... sort of.  I hope you take it as a challenge, and not one that I think you will fail.  You're not the only one who's been people watching.  I've seen you and your compadres around.  Sure, a few of them have a mile and a half of maturity to conquer before they ought to be asking girls out, but there are some good men among you.  You're competing against a lot, but I think the glimmering hope of success is worth the endeavor.  

Quit reading blogs and go show that girl with the MacArthur Study Bible that the vision of the knight is more than a legend. 

Love and affection,

Little Miss Sunshine