Ladies, may I introduce you to your competition

 

Dear Christian Girl,

I saw you checking out that Lewis-quotin-Bible-totin tall, dark and handsome usher this morning.  You thought no one saw you, but I did.  Now before you go joining his small group and showing up for Jesusified Ultimate Frisbee, you ought to know some things.  You have some competition, and I'm not talking about that pretty blonde that got baptized last week.  This competition is a little more serious. 

Fear.  I don't care how down to earth and chilled out you are; you scare him.  You're a girl.  It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be terrified of women.  (Thank you, Jane, darling.)  Let's face it, men don't understand us.  They can think they do, and as a part of a growing process they can approach understanding, but for the most part, they're young and clueless.  We respond to things differently.  We think about things differently.  Sometimes we cry.  Sometimes we wear really pretty dresses that rob them of their faculty of speech. 

Barring all of that sort of fear, there's still a fear of rejection.  What if we shut them down?  What if we give them a pitying look and say, "let's just be friends".  What if we laugh?  Let me tell you, having a DTR (define the relationship) conversation is terrifying.  I never understood this until I had one.  I mean, not a real one.  I was sitting around with some of my guy friends talking about DTRs.  They were complaining how difficult and awkward they were to have with girls because you didn't know what to say.  I scoffed at them, so one of my friends challenged me to a DTR then and there.  He told me to assume a little role reversal and pretend I was a guy trying to have a DTR.  IT WAS SO HARD.  I had no idea what to say, and I couldn't even really look him in the face.  This was one of my best guy friends, and I couldn't even talk through this fake conversation.  So, cut them some slack, it's harder than you think. 

Confusion.  That whole feminist movement didn't just liberate women into being alone and confused.  It left guys feeling that way too.  For hundreds of years, opening the door and offering your chair and giving a hand was encouraged and commended.  After feminism ravaged the cultural landscape, guys weren't sure if we would snarl or thank them for carrying our heavy packages.  Aside from the cultural confusion, there is also a question of identity.  Evil would have men here... 

 fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.  
(Thanks, Clive Staples)
Evil would have men believing that they must domineer and control instead of lead and provide.  Evil would have men believing that their value is in their sexiness or their physical fitness or their mental might.  Drag these misconceptions into a relationship and things can get messy faster than a puppy in a puddle.  Relationships between men and women have been strained since the Fall, and dating is no exception.  A word of advice?  Communicate clearly what you expect and appreciate.  Shoot straight with them.  Even if it's a little awkward, they'll be glad you did. 

Insecurity.  To think guys are immune to being insecure is like thinking they're immune to the common cold.  They're human, and sometimes they're going to fail at putting all their confidence in Christ's finished work (just like the rest of us).  In the same way that we get caught up in the world's idea of what a girl should look like, they see guys on the cover of GQ and think, wait, is that what I'm striving for?  Is that what girls want?  They see Fortune 500 execs and wonder if "providing" looks like a six figure paycheck.  With so much confusion about what a good man looks like, it's no wonder they're a little insecure about how to be themselves.  Affirm them.  Thank them.  See things in them that God values that culture doesn't.  Let them know that you value a heart on fire for Jesus and His kingdom.  Let them know that gentleness is not being a sissy, and "manning up" isn't being a chauvanist pig. 

The good news for Good Girls everywhere is there are Good Guys left in the world.  Trust me, I know a lot of them.  Hold out for that C.S. Lewis-loving man, or at least start handing out a few copies of Mere Christianity to the guys you know.  Walk in wisdom, girl, we're living in some tricky days. 

Take down the competition one lie at a time. 

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine