4 Weddings in 4 Weekends, #2. Sarah and Alex

The venue Sarah and Alex chose was a local country club.  The ceremony was on the back stone patio, which overlooked the golf course.  They suspended tiny flower-filled vases from the wooden beams overhead.  Al that was beautiful, but the true piece de resistance was a rustic wooden cross that the florist had twined with vines and white blooms.  It stood as a stunning aesthetic and symbolic centerpiece at the altar.  We bridesmaids wore a combination of dresses in David's Bridal Peacock Blue and carried bouquets of yellow and white, showcasing ranunculus and fragrant freesias.  

After Carlie and Austin's wedding, I taught my very first last week of school [which will have its own post].  After the chaos of eating watermelon, passing out farewell presents and all manner of dramatic speeches and entreaties, I filled my arms with school supply remains.  I staggered out the front door with an over the shoulder farewell and half tumbled into my dad's XTerra.  He dropped me off at the airport to catch my 3:50 to Little Rock via DFW.  Wedding #2, here we go.

Well, I made it to DFW... eventually.  As we neared the airport, the captain came on air and uttered the traveler's death sentence: holding pattern.  Apparently there was a Texas sized downpour over Dallas, and the airport wasn't accepting any incoming flights.  We flew in circles for a while, but the weather didn't get our hint.  The pilot came on again and said we were down to our reserve tank of fuel, so we were going to Austin to refuel and wait out the storm.  I thought that would have been a pretty good idea, except that Austin is in the opposite direction of Sarah's wedding.  Much to my chagrin, we made it back to Dallas around 1AM.  Hasta la never, connection to Little Rock.  Thankfully, I have the best friends in the whole wide world, and one of them (thanks, Chris!) picked me up from the airport.

Our friends, the Paullings, have two extra guest rooms, so we stayed with them, planning to drive to Arkansas together the next morning [Chris's wife was already in Arkansas for the wedding].  Having been properly caffeinated and saying all the perfunctory exuberant hellos and hurrahyou'reheres, we hit the road for the far off land of Arkansas.  I missed the rehearsal and other festivities, but I did make it in time to brush on some makeup and coax some curl into my reluctant hair before pictures (Thanks, Mrs. Paulling!).

The bride and groom for wedding #2 are Sarah and Alex.  I met Sarah my freshman year of college.  She was also my travel buddy to Australia the year after we graduated.  Suffice it to say, she's one of my nearest and dearest and knows me better than most people on this planet.  Her fiancee, Alex, fell in love with her in 8th, wait for it, grade.  Yes, ladies and gents, they've been dating for roughly a decade. Alex popped the question with a sparkling solitaire, and Sarah's yes was out before you could say Jimminy Cricket.


Sarah walked in on her dad's arm to Pachelbel's Canon in D played by a string quartet.  Her dress was a simple A-line, strapless gown with delicate ruching on the bodice, sweetheart neckline and shimmering silvery gem-studded belt.  [I know, I could totally work for Say Yes to the Dress.]  The bride and groom, both adept writers, crafted their own vows in addition to the traditional "I do" and "with this ring".  They took Communion together and invited family members to the front to pray together for Sarah and Alex.  Yep, you caught me, I was crying.

After we all, uh, recessed, the bride and groom took a few photos with their families before we kicked off the party that was the reception.  As luck may have it, Sarah and Alex weren't into wedding chicken and green beans either, so they opted for fun hors d'oeuvres [what is it with French words having a million vowels?!] like chicken tenders, fruit, veggies, chips and guacamole!  Note - just serve food you like at your wedding!  Chances are, unless your taste is just weird, your guests will like it too.

The groom's aunt had crafted a scrapbook for the couple.  On the table were glue sticks, pens and pieces of cardstock with writing prompts like "What should Sarah and Alex name their children?" and "A word I would use to describe Alex is _______" and "My favorite part of today was ________" for guests to fill out and glue into the book.  What a fun way to engage your guests!  Speaking of guest engagement, they also had a photo booth with fabulous props and a canvas tree thumbprint guestbook.  And, no surprise, the cake was adorable.

Sarah made me promise not to let the dance floor become a barren wasteland of awkwardness, so I tore it up with Ian, my 76 year old Australian host dad [both sets of our host parents flew in for the wedding AND we live streamed it to our church in Australia - satellite wedding, anyone?], my friend Nate who taught me how to two step, my good natured groomsman, and random wedding guest guy.  Needless to say, the dance floor was well looked after.  Can you say Cupid Shuffle?

All in all, it was a fantastic wedding!

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine

4 Weddings in 4 Weekends, #1. Carlie and Austin

I know some people [read: guys] think most weddings are a social convention that devour entire bank accounts and cause more female breakdowns than they'd care to clean up after.  The grooms I know are famously good sports and become well acquainted with colors they didn't know existed (what the heck is ochre, anyway?), the merits of Pachelbel's Canon in D, and the difference between tulle and toile.

I feel a bit differently about weddings.  Weddings are an intersection of almost all the things I love best in life - music, dancing, flowers, love, friends, family, dresses, food, tradition, innovation, and promises that God ordained to create marriages that look like His love for the church.  Culturally, they stand as one of our last symbols in support of marriage and family, with vows going back hundreds of years to Jolly Old England's Book of Common Prayer ("for better or for worse" sound familiar?).

Oh, sure, you can go to boring weddings, or stuffy weddings, or weddings that are just plain awkward, but weddings done well don't have to be any of those things.  Incidentally, they don't have to be expensive, either.

Well, friends, as the title suggests, I'm on the wedding circuit.  May 18 was number one of four in four consecutive weekends.  Huzzah!  Let's eat, drink, and get married!

Carlie and Austin
I've known Carlie since I was about 5 years old.  She was the spunkiest, most impish, adorable little tomboy you ever saw.  We were fast friends from day 1.  We've kept in touch in the last (oh dear heavens) almost 20 years by snail mail, family vacations and now, social media.  I met Austin over Spring Break, when I was in Colorado hanging out with Carlie and her family.  He loves Jesus and is head over heels for Carlie.  I was sold.

Two and a half months later, the parentals and I hopped on a jet plane and headed to our old stomping grounds in northern Colorado.  We wined and dined Friday night (ok, not really) at Beau Jo's Pizza in Ft. Collins, which I recommend without hesitation.  Saturday, we stopped by wedding HQ to lend a hand setting tables and fluffing tissue paper poofs.  Bride et al were in good spirits, there was no sign of stress, and all the details were falling into place.  We made our exit to don our dresses and tame our tresses.

The venue was the bride's parents' farm.  They set up rows of white chairs on the front lawn.  A flock of pink tulle-clad flower girls were herded down the aisle by Carlie's brother-in-law.  The bridesmaids, all in stunning charcoal grey maxi convertible dresses [read: long flowing dresses with straps that can tie in almost any way you can imagine] followed down the grassy aisle carrying bouquets they had made themselves from selections of calla, orchid, camellia and other yellow and pink blooms.  The bride walked down with her sweet father in a gorgeous dress with billowing skirt and classy lace shoulder straps.  It was an incredible transformation from barefoot, tree climbing little squirt to beautiful woman walking down the aisle on her father's arm.  (Though she hasn't grown out of the glint of mischief, it still sparkles in her brown eyes.)

All was calm, all was bright until... Colorado's unpredictable weather made an appearance and the wind began blowing sideways, a few notches up from "light spring breeze".  The wedding party was far from nonplussed, hair being tossed in the breeze.  Then we saw it.  About 5 fields away was a wall of water, and it wasn't standing still like Moses at the Red Sea.  It was steadily getting closer, and we knew if it reached us, we'd be soaked and freezing in seconds.

When it was about two fields away, almost as if they had choreographed it, or ordered it online from the weatherman, the wall of water slid to the side.  The gray clouds accumulating overhead parted, and the sun broke through.  It was a touch you could only hope for on your wedding day.  And yes, later there was a rainbow without the hassle of rain, so their wedding party shots are framed by a rainbow.  And yes, I'm serious.

The breeze was still a bit crisp, so we retreated to the reception tent that had been erected in the field next to the house.  Carlie and Austin love Greek food, so that's what they served.  I can speak from many run ins with wedding chicken and wedding green beans, pitas with hummus and salad were a refreshing twist on wedding fare.

And then, drum roll please, one of my favorite things in life - though they can be a real drag at weddings if your DJ doesn't know his bass from his treble - the dance floor.  Let me tell you, Carlie's and Austin's was packed the entire night.  We danced everything from the Cotton Eyed Joe to the Way You Look Tonight to Gangnam Style.  Even after we sent the bride and groom off, the party didn't end.  We cleaned up and went right back to the dance floor.  Carlie's dad pulled his truck into the tent and turned on the radio for us.  We danced until 1 in the morning.

It was a fantastic wedding to attend.

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine

Boys Are Not to Play with

He opens doors for you.  He gives the best hugs.  He's always there for you.  He's the one you text when you're stressed out.  You just think he's the greatest.  Of course, you aren't dating him or anything.  I mean, it's just __________.  He totally gets it.  It would never work.  Girls, depending on your situation, you might hate me by the end of this entry, just a warning. 

One of the most eye opening and helpful pieces of relationship advice I've ever received was from one of my guy friends during college.  He said

Don't ever say, 'It's just so and so'

What he meant by that was don't get tricked into thinking you're on the same relational page. 

It's just Jake, he knows I don't like him like that.

It's just Hudson, we're just really really good friends.

It's just Taylor, it's not a big deal that we hang out all the time. 

What you might perceive as the greatest friendship you've ever had (I mean, who doesn't love that guys are essentially drama-free), could be super confusing and miserable for this best friend of yours.  When you have movie snuggle time with the friends, or talk to him about all the guys you're crushing on, what you might be doing is crushing him instead. 

I get it.  It's easy to do this unknowingly. [Well, after this post, you're going to know, so there goes that excuse.]  There are some pretty stellar guys out there who have great patient and kind hearts.  Who doesn't love to hang out with that all the time?!  They're so easy to talk to, and they give great advice!  What you don't realize is it is highly likely that they are growing to like you, and the more you hang out and use them to open doors and talk with on the phone and listen to all your issues, the more you're playing them. 

THAT'S NOT OK! 

GUYS ARE NOT TO PLAY WITH.  They are living breathing humans made in the image of God, and yes, they have feelings.  They might not show them when they watch Pride and Prejudice or see a kitten, but they do have feelings.  You cannot just use guys to lift heavy things, listen to your problems, and have a nice cushy shoulder to cry on.  They're people.  We have names for people using people - trafficking, slavery, prostitution, manipulation, corruption - not words you'd like applied to your personal record.  Don't play with their emotions.

I have two younger brothers, who I would give a limb to without thinking twice.  They're at the top of my list of people I love most on planet Earth.  You know what I'd want to do to any girl who sweet talked her way into breaking their hearts?  Beat the crap out of them.  I mean, I wouldn't actually beat them up, but I might think about it for a few days.  It should be the same way with the other guys in our lives.  And sometimes - hear me, girls - the people we need to protect them from is US. 

Now, I know, you're thinking, Little Miss Sunshine!  I'm not a seductive slut!  I'm a nice little Christian girl!  You can't possibly be talking to me!  (Read in a Snow White voice)

You bet your bottom dollar I'm talking to you, sister.  (Read in a John Wayne voice)

Sometimes the "nice little Christian girls" are the worst because they're convinced that they're just loving these great Christian guys "like brothers".  (Anyone heard that before?)  Here's a clue, honey, I don't call my brothers all the time and gush my tearful drama to them; I don't bat my eyelashes at them or do that goofy little flirty laugh we do when we want attention.  Oh yeah, and I value them like crazy.  I don't think, ah, well, it's just Jordy, it's just Jarrett.  They'll understand.  Um, hello, they're a big deal, and they deserve to be respected like a big deal.  If you really value your guy friends, you'll value the way they see things. 

Just to drive my point home with a little street cred, watch this video.

Ouch.  The magic of guy/girl friendships tarnished a little for you?  Yeah.  It was for me too, but it also led to a deeper understanding of who guys are, and in the end, I think that's more valuable than living naively.  Now, I'm NOT saying you can't have guy friends at all.  If you know me, you know I have some rock solid A-grade guy friends.  They have been an explosion of blessing and hilarity in my life.  Ok, so I'm not saying don't have guy friends.  I AM saying don't you EVER say It's just so and so and think you're on the same page relationally.

You're not a dude.  Get some solid girls in your life. 

Just treat the men in your life well, OK?

Little Miss Sunshine

Let Them Stand on Your Shoulders

I don't care how much they weigh.  Let them stand on your shoulders.  I don't care if you're so petite that you shop in the petite section and still have to get your pants hemmed.  Let them stand on your shoulders.  I don't care if you're tired and busy and have paperwork that needs, I don't know, filling and filing.  Let those precious children stand on your shoulders.  The world has taken their power and their platform, and they need some shoulders to stand on. 

You may not have the President's ear, or know people on Broadway or be a millionaire, but at least you have  a voice.  They don't even have that.  They're too young, too small, too inexperienced, too whatever.  Their ideas are discounted and put on hold until they "mature".   They are disqualified and disregarded… unless. 

Unless we let them stand on our shoulders.  Unless we stand in the gap for them.  Unless we are their advocates.  As teachers, we have the incredible chance to be the first person to listen to their ideas - some of which are really good.  We could be the first person to tell them they could be a great writer or engineer or marketing exec some day.  We could be the first person to tell them they matter or we're happy to see them.  We could be the first person to unlock a talent or a passion or a skill they didn't know existed.  We could be the first person to show them how to lose gracefully. 

Chances are statistically solid that they don't sit down to meals with their parents.  That means they not only don't know how to use a knife and fork, but they don't know how to ask for the butter or make appropriate small talk with adults.  With school, homework, soccer, violin, swimming, dance, chess, and Cub Scouts, who has time to talk anyway? 

We are raising a whole generation of orphans.  They aren't the rag tag bread thieves of previous centuries.  They are scarred by divorce, relegated to the babysitting of technology.  They are perhaps the first generation of orphans made so by the choice of their parents.  When sex becomes recreational as opposed to procreational, children become inconvenient byproducts. 

Some days, they might not need to stand on your shoulders as much as stand in your shadow.  Life doesn't always dole out heavy loads to strong shoulders.  Sometimes children bear things they were never meant to, and they just need a little shade to rest in, or someone to hide behind when life seems downright terrifying.  We could be the only person standing between them and the carnivorous forces that would tear them apart.  We could be the only person on their team.  They might have busy or indifferent parents, no friends, no siblings who care about them.  We could be the one human being who stands up for them, who helps them get their first job or teaches them to look someone in the eye and shake their hand.  We could be the difference between defeat and victory in that child's life.

So please, before you get back to teaching them about square roots or what a gerund is - heaven knows that's important - remember to stand up for them, to plead their case, to let them stand on your shoulders.

Love,

Little Miss Sunshine

All Sexed Out

I'm all sexed out. 

I'm tired of a culture that is fiercely enslaved to sex.  It is wearying not to be able to buy a toothbrush without someone trying to convince me that somehow I'll be transformed into a 5'7" blonde with blindingly white teeth if I use their toothbrush.  Let's not even talk about shampoo commercials.  Eck.  Everywhere I look, sex.  Pinterest is convinced that if I do this butt workout, I'll be sexier.  If I slather my hair with jojoba oil, cow manure and chopped licorice, I'll be sexier.  Facebook thinks I need to get on SingleMingle or Match.com or I'mSingleandIKnowIt to meet sexy single guys. Let's not sell them bag of Doritos because they taste good, let's sell them a bag of Doritos because they're sexy.  I'm not sure I could buy a paperclip without being harangued about its sleek, sexy design.  Oh, and wherever sexy went, JT is bringing it back.

Movies?  TV?  Magazines?  How I Met Your Mother?  Barney's whole character is built on his addiction to getting girls to sleep with him.  New Girl?  The newest episode was called "Virgins".  It covered how all the main characters lost their virginity.  Yeah, classy.  Friends?  I think they shortened the title from "Friends Having Sex with Friends".  Try to think of a movie lately that didn't either imply the main characters having sex or show the leading lady in a plunging V, high heels and mini skirt.  Every time I go to the grocery store, Trashy McTrash Teen Trasherson wants to tell me all about the top 1,000 ways to have better sex.  We are obsexed.

There are whole industries built on sex, some of them deemed more pardonable than others.  People think it's more OK to watch people having sex on the internet than to go hire a child prostitute.  "Porn is just maybe a weakness or something to do on the weekends."  "Child prostitution is a whole other ball game."  "That doesn't happen here.  That's stuff they make movies about in other countries where Liam Neeson goes and kills bad guys."  There's a whole slave industry sustained by a culture who is enslaved to sex.  How are we so blind that WE ENSLAVE PEOPLE TO FEED OUR ADDICTION TO SEX? 

Here's the kicker.  Sex is not the problem.  Friends, who created sex in the first place?  Nope, Adam and Eve did not invent sex.  Get ready for this one…

God did. 

Now, if there's one thing I know about God, it's that He loves community.  He is the Trinity, which is like community on steroids.  He sent Jesus to die so that we could be restored to community with Him.  He designed the community of the Church to love and help each other and the people around them.  He designed marriage as an expression of community, and as a stable place for kids to grow up in.  God created sex as an expression of vulnerability and intimacy in marriage. 

It's a pity I don't have a whiteboard right now, because I would draw you this picture.  Use your imagination.  Big circle with the word COMMUNITY inside it.  This is where God wants all people to live.  No one was meant to be alone, even nomads travel in bunches.  He's given us all kind of things to do in this circle - eat food, work, volunteer, hang out, play sports, knit scarves, whatever you're into.  Inside the COMMUNITY circle, I'd draw another circle and write MARRIAGE in it.  God designed marriage.  It's a good thing.  It's a thing that most people should pursue.  Marriage is great for communities.  It stabilizes people.  It makes better kids.  Within that marriage circle, I'd write a list of things that married people should be doing, stuff like serving each other, working hard, blessing the people around them, spending time with wise people, modeling the kind of love that Christ has for the Church, having sex, cleaning house, having fun, etc. etc.  Did you notice how much of the pie sex got?  Yeah, it got a decent sized slice in the marriage pie, which is a decent slice of the community pie. 

We have taken a good thing that God made for married people and made it this grandiose experience/industry/image/culture.  And it's wrecking us.  But that's how idols work.  They hurt people.  They cause pain.  They trick you into thinking they're not so bad, or even a great idea.  Sex is good, so let's just have it all the time and watch it and think about it all the time.  It's connected to love, and love is good, so it's fine.  NO!  False.  Big lie.  Any time you give something a bigger slice of the pie than it was meant to have, things go awry. 

Sure, it might be weird or foreign to hear that sex was meant for married people.  That's the way God wrote things.  Is that always the easiest way to live?  No.  I get that.  If this whole concept is new to you, that's OK.  Sometimes Jesus says things that take a while to think through.  He's not very politically correct, either.  Sometimes He straight up tells you that what you're doing is wrong, and there's a better way to live.  The funny thing is, He's always right.  

Now, I realize that reclaiming culture takes a long time, a lot of people doing smart cultural things, and a whole lot of Gospel.  But can we start today, in our own lives, gathering up our own armfuls of things we've given too much pie and take them out with the garbage?  Maybe that means you don't watch certain movies.  Maybe that means you start getting involved with people like the International Justice Mission, who are making a dent in the modern day slave trade.  Maybe you talk to your kids about how sex is a good thing, but only when you keep it where it belongs.  Maybe you toss those porn movies you've been hanging onto.  Whatever your maybe is, do it.  Take your one step to reclaim culture. 

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine

Offering Plates, Amens, and Songs About Blood

 

Last Sunday, I did something out of character.  I went to a church I'd never been to, by myself.  I went because it's a sister campus to our church, and they were teaching on homosexuality.  The sermon was wonderful, and you can listen to it here, but that's not what I'm writing about today.  For those of you who know me personally, or have been readers for a while, you know that I'm… outgoing… extroverted… a people person, if you will.  I have a wild, grassy expanse of a comfort zone, which, contrary to popular belief, does  have its limits.  As social and out there as I am, I still have to steel myself when I walk into social situations solo. 

I walked into this church Sunday night not knowing their "format".  I checked out the general populace, a 19-27 crowd characterized by hipsterness.  There were no bulletins, so I made small talk with the person at the information table before finding a seat in the usual spot (left side, four rows back) #creatureofhabit.  We "did" worship for the first 20 minutes or so, then the announcements guy did announcements, the pastor spoke, we had communion, and sang another song or two before dismissing. 

Now, all of that was fairly "normal".  I'm a pretty well-schooled church kid, having attended about 9 different churches in my lifetime, ranging from Southern Baptist to Reformed mega church to Methodist/Episcopal/Presbyterian combo.  I've got the lingo down pretty well.  I know when to stand up/sit down/close my eyes/pass the plate/ say Amen and all the rest.  After my "church by myself" experience, I got to thinking about people who didn't grow up church kids, who haven't the foggiest idea what communion is, much less what it means, or what to do with an offering plate. 

Let's pretend I was not a churchy person, walking into church on a Sunday.  There are all these semi-dressed up people milling around smiling and asking about "small group" and "outreach" and "summer missions".  Someone with a name tag shakes my hand and says he's glad I'm here.  Ok, well, that's nice I guess.  Someone's glad I'm here.  Cool.  Now, what do I do?  At the appointed time, everyone makes their way into something people call a "sanctuary", which sounds like a place you keep endangered tigers.  Weird, but whatever. 

 A guy with a beard starts playing a guitar and singing some song about blood washing away sin.  This just got weirder.  Sin is a word people use about chocolate, and blood doesn't wash stuff.  I look around to see what people are doing.  Everyone looks all happy and clean cut and put together.  Looking happy while singing about sin and blood is weird.  Some of them have their eyes closed and they're putting their hands in the air like their favorite football team just scored.  Now we're singing a song about how great our God is, and a king and stuff.  We go from blood to a king wrapped in light.  What is this, Lord of the Rings? 

Then the beard guy stops and says good morning and tells us to shake hands.  So we do.  There's a hipster couple sitting next to me and a mom with I-lost-count-how-many kids sitting behind me.  She's probably one of those people who teach their kids at home or something.  Beard guy says we can sit down, so we do.  Then another guy comes on stage and starts talking about Jesus (heard of him, usually when my co-workers are ticked off).  He reads a quote about bread and a body and blood (what is their deal with blood?!) and wine and stuff.  I try to pay attention, but I get a little lost in the middle.  Then they pass around this tray thing with pita chips and grape juice cups.  Bread and blood guy said don't take it unless you follow Jesus.  I'm not a part of that club, so I just hand it to hipster guy. 

Beard guy plays another song and then another guy walks on stage.  He says we're going to talk about something that sounded like santafication.  At first I thought it meant turning into Santa or getting ready for Christmas, which made no sense, but then later he explained that it was being more holy.  Church people love talking about holy stuff.  I don't really get it, but he said we can't get holy by ourselves.  I sure get that part.  He said something about righteous robes of Jesus, which I don't really get, but it sounded cool.  Anyway, he talked for a while, and read lots of quotes from the Bible.  He told a couple stories and made some jokes I didn't really understand.  That's ok, the church people got it and laughed, which probably made him feel good. 

So, yeah, church is kinda weird.  They use a lot of words that normal people don't use, and I heard the word blood more than I did when I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.  They're nice enough, but I don’t really get why they all look so happy and glowy.  I feel like I need a Church for Dummies manual so I can figure out what's going on before I show up next time and think that you can take money out or put money in the bucket they pass down the row.  Oops…

Remember, people, not everyone thinks singing about blood is normal. 

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine