Boys Are Not to Play with

He opens doors for you.  He gives the best hugs.  He's always there for you.  He's the one you text when you're stressed out.  You just think he's the greatest.  Of course, you aren't dating him or anything.  I mean, it's just __________.  He totally gets it.  It would never work.  Girls, depending on your situation, you might hate me by the end of this entry, just a warning. 

One of the most eye opening and helpful pieces of relationship advice I've ever received was from one of my guy friends during college.  He said

Don't ever say, 'It's just so and so'

What he meant by that was don't get tricked into thinking you're on the same relational page. 

It's just Jake, he knows I don't like him like that.

It's just Hudson, we're just really really good friends.

It's just Taylor, it's not a big deal that we hang out all the time. 

What you might perceive as the greatest friendship you've ever had (I mean, who doesn't love that guys are essentially drama-free), could be super confusing and miserable for this best friend of yours.  When you have movie snuggle time with the friends, or talk to him about all the guys you're crushing on, what you might be doing is crushing him instead. 

I get it.  It's easy to do this unknowingly. [Well, after this post, you're going to know, so there goes that excuse.]  There are some pretty stellar guys out there who have great patient and kind hearts.  Who doesn't love to hang out with that all the time?!  They're so easy to talk to, and they give great advice!  What you don't realize is it is highly likely that they are growing to like you, and the more you hang out and use them to open doors and talk with on the phone and listen to all your issues, the more you're playing them. 

THAT'S NOT OK! 

GUYS ARE NOT TO PLAY WITH.  They are living breathing humans made in the image of God, and yes, they have feelings.  They might not show them when they watch Pride and Prejudice or see a kitten, but they do have feelings.  You cannot just use guys to lift heavy things, listen to your problems, and have a nice cushy shoulder to cry on.  They're people.  We have names for people using people - trafficking, slavery, prostitution, manipulation, corruption - not words you'd like applied to your personal record.  Don't play with their emotions.

I have two younger brothers, who I would give a limb to without thinking twice.  They're at the top of my list of people I love most on planet Earth.  You know what I'd want to do to any girl who sweet talked her way into breaking their hearts?  Beat the crap out of them.  I mean, I wouldn't actually beat them up, but I might think about it for a few days.  It should be the same way with the other guys in our lives.  And sometimes - hear me, girls - the people we need to protect them from is US. 

Now, I know, you're thinking, Little Miss Sunshine!  I'm not a seductive slut!  I'm a nice little Christian girl!  You can't possibly be talking to me!  (Read in a Snow White voice)

You bet your bottom dollar I'm talking to you, sister.  (Read in a John Wayne voice)

Sometimes the "nice little Christian girls" are the worst because they're convinced that they're just loving these great Christian guys "like brothers".  (Anyone heard that before?)  Here's a clue, honey, I don't call my brothers all the time and gush my tearful drama to them; I don't bat my eyelashes at them or do that goofy little flirty laugh we do when we want attention.  Oh yeah, and I value them like crazy.  I don't think, ah, well, it's just Jordy, it's just Jarrett.  They'll understand.  Um, hello, they're a big deal, and they deserve to be respected like a big deal.  If you really value your guy friends, you'll value the way they see things. 

Just to drive my point home with a little street cred, watch this video.

Ouch.  The magic of guy/girl friendships tarnished a little for you?  Yeah.  It was for me too, but it also led to a deeper understanding of who guys are, and in the end, I think that's more valuable than living naively.  Now, I'm NOT saying you can't have guy friends at all.  If you know me, you know I have some rock solid A-grade guy friends.  They have been an explosion of blessing and hilarity in my life.  Ok, so I'm not saying don't have guy friends.  I AM saying don't you EVER say It's just so and so and think you're on the same page relationally.

You're not a dude.  Get some solid girls in your life. 

Just treat the men in your life well, OK?

Little Miss Sunshine