Stuff Kids Need

As a teacher, I hear a lot about what kids need.  PE teachers say kids need more exercise.  Art teachers say kids need more art.  Math teachers say kids need to use their hands while they're doing math.  Reading teachers say kids need strategies to help them remember what they read.  Doctors say kids need more vitamins.  Counselors say kids need social skills and processing strategies.  Parents say kids need experiences like yoga class, soccer teams, dance lessons, outside tutoring, taking care of a pet. 

This week is parent/teacher conference week.  I'll be sitting down with parents all week talking with them about how their kids are doing and what they need.  We'll talk about whether or not they understand fractions and how well they listen to instructions.  I might recommend that they put their kid in music class to help them learn to focus, or that they put them in sports to help them develop a better team mentality. 

All that stuff is fine.  I agree that art and sports and vitamins are good for kids.  Yep, wouldn't disagree with that.  I love all of those, and I hope kids get the chance to participate in some of the fun things that I got to be a part of growing up.  But I think in all the flyers for this camp and that club, we're overlooking some things. 

When I sit down with parents at a conference, they'll ask me things like, "OK, so how can I help them at home?"  "What can we practice so that my kid will be more organized or successful?"  I kind of want to tell them, "Kiss in front of your kids."  "Have dinner together."  "Cook."  "Stay married."  "Teach them how to fight redemptively."  "Read to your kids and in front of your kids so they know you like reading too."

Those are the things kids need.  They don't need the newest Justin Bieber hair gel.  They don't need the shiniest shoes.  They don't need a cruise to the Bahamas.  They don't need to have a busier schedule than the President.  They don't need a perfect little happy family.  Kids need real parents.  They need parents who model fighting fair.  They need parents who make mistakes in front of them and ask for forgiveness. 

Sure, you can practice hands on math until your fingers bleed.  You can go to dance class, golf lessons, space camp and have customized monogrammed Ugg boots.  You can have all the stuff people tell you kids need, but if that's all you have, you're just a calculating, dancing, club swinging, boot wearing spacey 8 year old who doesn't know who they are, who loves them, or what safe feels like.

Now, there are situations where sad lives.  People get sick, people leave, people do cruel things.  We aren't always in a situation to prevent disaster, and sometimes we're just there in time to see a lot of broken pieces.  Perhaps instead of trying to make that situation better by giving that kid stuff, we should start with love.  Sure, experiences are good, art class is good, yes yes yes, but let's start with modeling common courtesy, safe relationships, healthy conflict resolution, active listening, family dinner. 

So sure, get out those math flash cards, parents, but only if you have time after family dinner? 

Little Miss Sunshine