Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

So, you're single.  Cool.  Being single can be pretty fun… until you're tired of being single and then it's not fun anymore.  That usually happens when hanging out with "the guys" or "girl time" gets old, or when all your friends are married or starting to have kids and you realize you haven't even been on a date in a few months.  Well, before you start freaking out and comparing yourself to all your friends, STOP.  Your life is not anyone else's.  It's yours.  But I get it, you're tired of getting wedding invites addressed to you and "guest", as if they hope a date will magically materialize to go with you to this wedding. 

This post is not a "how to find your soulmate" post.  It's really more of a "don't be an idiot when you're looking for your soulmate - whatever that is " post.  Guys, tell me about the kind of girl you want to date/marry/fall in love with…

Imaginary conversation with imaginary guy sitting in imaginary coffee shop talking about the girl of his dreams… (I had to poll my guy friends for these)

"The biggest thing I want for my dream girl is a desire to follow God in everything."

"They have a heart for others and genuinely care for their well being"

"A love of service for others is very attractive"

"Cute, fun to be around, laughs at my stupid jokes"

"Sense of humor" (Insert personal preference stuff here: likes camping, dogs, athletic, whatever)
"Smiles and encourages!"

Ok, girls, your turn…

Imaginary girl night 2am conversation after watching any movie with Matthew McConaughey.

He really needs to love Jesus.  That's a given.  I need to feel safe when I'm with him.  He can't always be pushing the boundaries.  Has some life goals and direction.  I have to like his friends.  I hope he's taller than me, but if he's just really awesome, I could make some allowances.  He needs to be able to laugh at himself.  Guys who love kids are SOOOOOO cute.  (Insert personal preference stuff here: loves to dance, read, Star Wars, whatever)

Great.  We've established the sort of people you're looking for.  Ok, now, quiz time!  Where are you going to find people of that caliber? 

 The gym?

ERNK.  Wrong.

The pub?

ERNK.  Wrong.

Match.com?

ERNK.  Wrong.

The dog park?

ERNK.  Wrong.

Whew.  I feel like we need to take a step back.  You want someone who loves Jesus, is interesting, smart, funny, good looking, considerate, and isn't a flake.  Now, hmmmmm… where could we find you some of those people.  Thinking.  Thinking.  Thinking.  Hang on, those people are likely chasing the glory of God and the work of the gospel in a church somewhere, serving the community, mentoring people, leading Bible studies, and are on mission with groups of people who also love Jesus. 

 It is hiiiighly likely that you also, you Jesus loving, gospel impassioned person, you, are involved in some of those things.  And if you aren't, then you probably should be.  Guys… if you want a girl who believes in a Biblical model of marriage and who's going to stick around to have a life of adventure with you, STOP PICKING UP CHICKS AT THE GYM.  Don't give me that, "well, she seems really nice and she has a cross tattoo on her shoulder, so I think she probably loves Jesus".  Girls… if you want a guy who might be interested in building a life with you instead of just sleeping with you, STOP FLIRTING WITH THAT DIRTBAG WHO KEEPS BUYING YOU FRUITY DRINKS.  And I'm not even commenting on your "he really respects that I go to church, and he's such a gentleman" rubbish.

Now, am I saying that you won't find Mr. or Mrs. Right on eHarmony or playing rec league lawn bowling?  No.  You can meet great people all over the place, but statistically, you're going to have a better shot if you look in places where those people tend to congregate.  If you go looking for polar bears, you go to the North Pole.  Can you also find them in South America at a zoo somewhere?  Probably, it's just going to be a little more of a shot in the dark… er… jungle.

Yall, this is not rocket science.  If the most important thing in your life is Jesus, then the most important person in your life should share that priority.  Now, I realize that not every community has droves of single, Jesus loving people running around with neon "available" signs on their foreheads while they're blessing others and changing the world.  Sometimes you have to get creative.  But, generally speaking, these mysterious wonder-singles are not friendless orphans.  They have parents.  They have best friends.  They have brothers and sisters and grandmas.  So do some networking.  Get plugged in.  Don't be an idiot.  Go live a life that intersects with people of the caliber you'd want to run around doing life with until you kick the bucket. 

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine