Men Are People Too

Ladies, I have just made a remarkable discovery.  Men are human.  This is so significant that I thought I would post it here instead of just telling all my friends and letting it circulate by word of mouth.  After years of reading and research and field investigations, I can finally conclude that men are, indeed, human.  Having confirmed this long-standing suspicion, we are now no longer justified in objectifying, idolizing, or demonizing them. 

I know, you neeeeeever do any of those three things.  You treat men like brothers.  You support their manly-man-ness.  Your expectations are realistic when it comes to men.  You never talk about men as if they are objects.  Either you're the oddest girl I've never met, or you're lying.  If I had to take a gander, I'd say you're lying through your recently whitened teeth.

We do this all the time!  (And I'm certainly not exempting myself from this accusation.)  We talk about their eyes, shoulders, muscles, hair, whatever, as if that's all they have going for them.  Sure, we like it when guys are good looking, but we cannot rail at men for commenting on a woman's legs instead of her heart when we do the exact same thing. 

So, yeah, sometimes we objectify men, as if they're just big hunks of human muscle and bone.  It gets worse.  Sometimes we idolize men.  Girl, I've seen how many pictures of Joseph Gordon-Levitt you have on Pinterest.  Stop looking at me like I'm out of my mind.  This isn't just about celebrities.  We do this with our boyfriends, husbands, fathers, and brothers too. 

I hate to break it to you, dear heart, but because of this whole human thing, men aren't perfect.  Even the best man leaves the toilet seat up sometimes.  Even the best man will neglect to open the car door on occasion.  Heck, he might not even open it at all, depending on how far his hometown is from Georgia, Alabama, or Texas.  

I have two brothers who I tend to idolize just a little.  They're amazing.  They love Jesus, they're hilarious, athletic, musical, and they treat people well.  I'm going to let you in on a little family secret.  As amazing as they are, they don't always do their dishes, and their laundry has a tendency to collect on the floor instead of making it into the laundry hamper.  They're human.  Fabulous humans, but still human, and we like that. 

Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have high standards in relationships, or that you should settle.  What I am saying is if you're looking for someone who is 6'2", with blue/gray eyes, a solid vision for family ministry, compassionate, understanding, has a stable job and great parenting skills, you're describing a 45 year old father of 3.  And that's weird.  Guys don't become all those things overnight.  It takes a long time.  Aaaaaand another thing, dating Mr. Right is not going to make your life easier.  Sure, he might enrich it, he might be your best friend, he might even bring you flowers, but relationships are messy sometimes.  Worth it, but messy.  Mr. Right is going to make you cry.  He's going to let you down.  He's going to make mistakes and miscalculations.  Don't get Mr. Right confused with Mr. Perfect.  There was only one of those, and we celebrated His sacrificial death for you yesterday. 

Some of you have had a moment when you realized the guy you thought was Mr. Perfect (remember, there's only one of those) was really Mr. Human.  Maybe he forgot your 7 1/2 week anniversary, maybe he forgot you had a pineapple allergy and sent you into anaphylactic shock with a slushy (slightly less pardonable).  Whatever it was, your glass house cracked, and you've been ticked ever since.  Well, stop it. 

First off, men are human (is there an echo in here?).  Second, women are confusing.  Girls, you don't even understand yourself.  How in the big wide world is a guy supposed to understand you perfectly?  Just because he doesn't intuit the moment to show up with the Cadbury Dark Chocolate Raspberry squares, or buy you the Persian cat calendar for Christmas doesn't mean he's a dud.  It just means he has some learning to do. 

Aside from making this all about how he treats, understands, and communicates with you, guys have problems of their own.  Their model for masculinity vacillates like the stock market.  The media is on their case just as much as it's on yours.  They're supposed to be hot, chiseled, successful, suit-wearing (or suspender and flannel wearing, depending on your circle), confident Senor Suaves who always know where they're going and what they're doing.  Being a humble, God dependent, prayer reliant, selfless gentlemen is not only counter-cultural, it's HARD! 

So….

Don't stop appreciating that men are good looking.  That's silly, and clearly not going to happen, but don't treat them just as objects who look good in a suit or supply you with flowers on Valentines.  They are HUMAN.  They have dreams and goals and gifts!  They have a heart and a brain and courage (Wizard of Oz, anyone?)!  Appreciate those things too. 

They aren't perfect.  Take them off the pedestal.  I know, I know, there are some a-grade-mazing guys out there.  Trust me, I know a whole heap of them, but they aren't perfect.  Don't set them up for failure because your standards are based on what you see in your dad or in Jesus or some quote from Ryan Reynolds you found on Pinterest.  That isn't fair, and you would revolt if guys did that to you.  Twenty-three year old guys are not likely to have fifty year old wisdom or patience or putting-up-with-women skills.  There is only ONE Jesus, and Ryan Reynolds is married, so he isn't an option.  Don't date duds, but make sure your definition of "dud" is realistic.

Here's a suggestion…

Give them the kind of grace you'd want to be on the receiving end of.

They aren't evil.  Sometimes they break our hearts.  Sometimes they can be jerks.  Sometimes they don't understand us.  A few bad apples doesn't mean the whole tree is rotten.  Communicate clearly (guys are not known for taking hints).  If you really hate it when he blows his nose on his sleeve, tell him - don't blow up at him.  Maybe he grew up in an area where there was a tissue shortage.  Be a pray-er.  Do some knee battling for the men in your life.  Be an encourager.  Being a thankful, supportive, bright spot in his life is going to motivate him to abandon his fear of dinner parties or waltzing much better than complaining and making fun of him in front of your friends.  If he doesn't open every door in sight and pull out your chair, don't discount his character.  Maybe the poor kid just grew up in Philly or something. 

Just remember, men are people too.

Little Miss Sunshine