When Awkwardness Strikes

Since my first post about awkward things, 

1. more awkward things have happened to me  

2. more awkward memories of my life have surfaced. 

1. Unpredictable hugs

It could be your cousin's significant other, your great guyfriend from middle school, or worst, that good looking someone you met through mutual friends this summer.  The time comes to say goodbye and you… well, what do you do?  Whatever it is, you pray and hope it's the same thing as the other person is thinking.  Side hug?  Handshake?  Frontal assault hug?  Front hug with the bro hand clasp in the middle?  If you're not on the same page, you could end up a trainwreck of arms.  Goodbye, finesse, goodbye, smooth.  Helloooo, awkward.

2. Saying hey to the wrong person

Being the friendly person you are, you say hello.  You know that face.  Half a nanosecond and you realize why you know that face.  Ooops.  That was the lady in the cereal aisle who helped you find the raisins.  She doesn't remember you.  That was the guy who always walks his Weimaraner at the same time you're walking home from church.  That was the slightly crazy lady who asked you for major relationship advice while standing in line at the bank.  (True story.)

3. Poor merging skills

Whether they're having a serious conversation, or a sad one, or a highly confidential one, you came in at the wrong time.  It's a party, so you figure people should be talking about the Australian Open or Miley Cyrus or their dog.  You bound up to a conversation and say "hey guys" with face aglow.  Then it hits you.  The Cone of Silence has just been lowered.  You have two options.  Stay and look penitent, or run and find someone who is talking about the latest episode of the newest show that doesn't matter. 

4. Matchy matchy

You can't wait to debut this piece of wardrobe genius.  Awesome argyle scarf, jade and gold ring, caramel knee high boots, whatever, it's lovely and you're excited.  Little do you know, dear friend, that you aren't the only one who is excited.  Someone else is wearing what you're wearing.  You can avoid them.  You can get chatty and ask them where they got it.  You can say, hey nice dress - like I did when I showed up to my tenth grade piano concert in a fabulous black and white formal ONLY to find some other girl wearing the SAME DRESS.  Embarrassed?  Never.  Embarrassment is admitting defeat, which you can never do on stage in a fabulous dress.  The show went (and continues to go) on.

5. In your haste

Let's face it.  Sometimes you're in a rush.  You just got back from the grocery store to pick up a graduation card for your uncle's girlfriend's daughter.  There's hardly time to shrug on a low key sundress, slip on some sandals and fly out the door.  You arrive to the graduation party with your big happy family smile on.  As soon as you catch your breath, you realize.  In your haste, you've forgotten something.  Deodorant, teeth brushing after garlic at lunch, a safety pin to prevent wardrobe malfunctions… whatever it is, it's not good.  Here's the advice from the no middle ground girl.  If you can make it hilarious, do (if it won't overshadow the uncle's girlfriend's daughter).  If you can't, blow it off and see if you can find whatever you forgot in that random bathroom drawer on the left.

6. Totes awk txt msgs

You type out an angry text that you aren't planning on sending and your kid brother hits the send button.  You're texting your bff about a mutual friend and accidentally put them both in the recipients list.  You get a Merry Christmas text from a number you don't recognize.  TEXTING CAN BE SO AWKWARD!  If you have weird humor that only your dog understands, don't try to put it into a text.  If you're asking someone out or breaking up with them, don't try to put it in a text.  Don't just be tech savvy, be text savvy. 

7. It's it's it's… can I bring it by?

You show up to class on time, ready to learn and grow and glean wisdom from the fields of education.  So, what's that big binder everyone's turning in to the teacher's desk?  Great question.  Turn off the deer in the headlights and start sleuthing.  Ask some under your breath questions to the person next to you.  Yeah, it was that assignment you put off and then forgot.  The teacher looks at you questioningly.  You smile.  Inside you're thinking, how fast can I put that together?  Half an hour?  Sure.  You sidle up to the teacher's desk after class and tell her you don't have it, but ask if you can bring it by the office this afternoon.  There are teachers that this will absolutely not work on.  There are teachers who could care less and would take it at the end of the semester.  For goodness sake, be sure you know the difference!

That's all for now folks, tune in next time to hear about my life's awkwardness turned into second person stories.  (Yes, all of the above stories have happened to me.)

Little Miss Sunshine