Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A mishap, a joke and stuff kids say


I greet you from the fluffy folds of my bed, where I am pausing from bloggery to fit my coffee mug on my nightstand.  This mug of coffee was delivered by a magical fairy princess in a pink scarf, also known as SG.  If I didn't have so much stuff on my nightstand, I could just set down the mug without having to do an organizational overhaul.  My nightstand currently holds:

Dr. Seuss book, Bible, David Platt book, phone, lamp, vaseline for wintery hands, journal, bulletin from church, Puritan prayer book, broken watch, broken camp wristband, old receipt, remote for awesome memory foam old person movable bed, ziplock, paper man used for object lesson in class, and now - mug of coffee. 

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a car.  When I say "we have a car", what I really mean is a nice lady from the next church over has let us borrow her car for the remainder of our stay in Australia.  When I say car, what I really mean is a metallic baby blue tank with a Toyota label on it.  The thing is huge.  Look out left side of the road, here we come. 

A Mishap

The night we got the car, nice lady, who I'll call NL, drove it to our flat, where she picked me up and drove back to her house.  NL asked if I wanted to drive back to her house.  I declined.  I decided I'd rather face my nerves on my own time.  We got to her house and she showed me where the gas tank and other little details were.  I reviewed the directions to get back to the highway.  Left left right right, she said.  NL handed me the keys and waved from under the glow of her porch light.  Left left right right.  I set my jaw and climbed (literally) up to the driver's seat, determined to muscle this behemoth home. 

After squeezing out the front gate, I took a left, but I didn't count it as the first left because it was just out of the driveway.  NL would know not to count that as the first left, right?  I started counting lefts.  One.  Two.  Time for a right.  Eh.  Is this the way we came?  Hmmm.  Maybe I should have started taking rights at the last intersection?  I can always turn around, if I can find a place wide enough.  Whoa, we definitely did not come this way.  But, wait, I've been on this road before… because this is the way the bus comes from the train station!  Hark!  A flash of recognition.  I don't really remember where this road goes, just that I've been on it before, and the bus driver always used it to get home, so maybe I could too? 

Ahoy!  The highway!  Mmmm..  Yep, let's take a right.  Oops, don't need windshield wipers.  Blinker.  Blinker.  Got it.  Driving.  Driving.  Trying to figure out if I'm actually driving in the middle of the lane where I'm supposed to be.  Oh.  Dark forest.  What?  The birthday banner bridge!  This is good.  Right turn across from the shopping center.  Almost home.  Gate is closed.  Fumble fumble fumble.  Fumbling with ten thousand bangles on the key chain looking for the gate opener.  Gate open.  Repeat to find garage door opener.  Hop in and out of car seven times checking to see if I can pull in any farther.  Still can't get garage door down over hitch on behemoth.  Give up and go to bed. 

A Joke

There are two kinds of jokes, the kind you tell and the kind that happen.  Yesterday, a joke happened to me.  Now, friends, I am 23 years old.  I have been doing laundry for years.  Growing up, when we had enough laundry to overtake a small laundromat, we could sort it into very specialized piles… whites, darks, silky, jeans, magenta sweaters with buttons… you get the idea.  When I went off to college, I didn't have the luxury of specialized piles, and most of the time I'd just throw everything in, set the dial to warmish and hope for the best. 

The previous paragraph was just to do what they call establishing credibility.  If you get asked to speak at a conference of doctors on the topic of cancer treatments, you have to spend at least five minutes telling them why they should believe you.  If you're just a DJ from Milwaukee, they probably won't listen to your professional opinions on the future of oncogenes.  So now that you've spent time reading why I know about laundry, I can tell you what happened to me yesterday. 

I did that thing where you chuck everything in the wash, put the soap in the drawer, slam it shut and hit the go button.  I left out my Australian flag beach towel because sometimes it leaves blue fuzzies on everything.  I went to playgroup, came home, ate lunch, drove to Bible study at the high school, came home and remembered that I had wet laundry in the wash.  The moment I opened the door (it's a front loader) I knew there was trouble.  If you know anything about my wardrobe, you know that baby pink is not a color that appears often.  It's a fine color, I just don't wear it.

sThis was cause for concern because I could see several things the color of baby pink tangled up with the rest of my gray tshirts in the wash.  Then the ton of bricks that is epiphany hit me.  My latest and greatest article of clothing, the terra cotta jeans, had never been washed.  My dear terra cotta jeans had been in that load of wash and had shared their terra cotta-ness with my white socks, white button up dress shirt and even the white parts of my plaid flannel.  Mmm.  Yes.  The joke was on me.  If you see me wearing baby pink, you'll know why. 

 
Stuff kids say

Me to two 4 year olds: So, what do you boys want to be when you grow up?
Ethan: A fire fighter
Derrik: Nothing
Ethan: Derrik!  You have to be something or else you have to get married!

First grade girl at CRE to me: You are looking so lovely today!
First grade boy (looks at girl, then back to me): You are looking so weird today!

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine

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