You've Got a Friend in Me: to infinity and beyond social networking

 

Once upon a time, we were five years old.  We played with Barbies or cap guns or Legos.  We climbed trees, we wrestled, and we made messes.  We had best friends that came to our birthday parties and shared (or didn't) their cooler toys with us.  Time played a funny trick, and we aren't five anymore.  Adios Otterpops, Spirograph and Barney.  See you later sleepovers and scraped knees and seeing a zebra for the first time.  Now we're twenty-plus-ish and our social lives are more dilapidated than that butter colored El Camino that your aunt's ex-boyfriend's brother drove back in the 80s. 

But seriously. 

If I were a doctor, I'd tell you that having good friends makes the difference between recovering from surgery (or having it in the first place) in a couple weeks or a couple months.  If I were a psychologist, I'd tell you that friends guard your sanity, or at least help you pick up the pieces after a breakdown.  If I were a trainer, I'd tell you your heart would be healthier with friends around.  If I were a pastor, I'd tell you that your spiritual life would be more on track with close solid friendships. 

I'm not any of those things, so I'll just tell you that having good friends means not having to go shopping by yourself, not sitting alone in a theater, not living off Lean Cuisine, not sitting at home when you'd rather be doing something fun on the weekends and not leaving the house naively wearing a disaster outfit.  I qualified the word friend with the word good for a reason.  Good friends are not your 1007th Facebook friend, the people you get drunk with, or the guy who makes your skinny minny mocha every morning on the way to work.  I know you're disappointed, but I'm not budging.  They don't count.  Having 367 followers on Pinterest doesn't mean you have 367 friends.  Those 1259 friends you have on Facebook?  Yeah, they aren't all your friends. 

It's a trick.  For some reason, the online powers that be want you to think you're socially stable if you have active accounts on Flickr, Pinterest, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc., etc.  The activ-er the better.  What's better than online community?  I mean, you can connect with people across the miles and you can portray a version of yourself that is taller, has whiter teeth and is a glue gun ninja.  That's so cool, right?  No.  It's not.  It's a trick.  It's making you think you have all these stable social relationships.  I hate to break it to you, but relationships built solely on 1010101110011010101011110001 are not real.  Yes, I know your cousin found her husband on eHarmony, and you love reading Mark Driscoll's blog, and your sister just found the cutest little vintage dress shop on Pinterest.  Ok, ok, listen to my voice; those are not friendships. 

With this Information Age, we've lost the value of real time relationships - the kind that take years to build and laughter and tears to glue together.  That's the dark side to all this social networking business.  You can know an Alaskan fisherman that sells fair trade salmon at half price on Tuesdays, but he's not going to water your house plants when you're visiting your Aunt Mathilda in Cincinnati.  You need friends.

So, what's a girl (or dude) to do?  It's not like you can saunter up to the kid standing next to the swing set and ask if they want to be friends.  Now that we're twenty-plus-ish, we have jobs (sometimes), and pets and significant others who want to hang out with us.  (I'm not against significant others, but they should take up a significant amount of your time, not all of it.)  I'm going to break it down for you, real simple like, so you can stop watching Friends reruns while eating Lean Cuisine and start living. 

1. Get off your tush.

I know.  It's hard.  The couch is comfortable, but it is also the death of your social life.  Run away while there's still time.  Recognize that time spent alone on the couch can be productive, but watching TV or eating ice cream out of the tub doesn't count as productive.  Commit to quit sitting.

2. Find some people. 

This might seem elementary, but it's going to take some work.  Whether it's at church, a running club, a rec volleyball league, a pottery class, or a community garden - find some people you might have something in common with.  This is why #1 is so important.  You have to be willing to look for potential friend material.  This will likely require you being scared.  Even I, one of the most extroverted people I know, get a little sweaty palmed at the thought of braving completely new social situations.  If you can go in pairs, do it.  Otherwise, just put your brave face on and start introducing yourself.  Note: don't go looking for friends in places where dirtbags hang out.  I know all people have value because they're made in the image of God and He loves them dearly, but don't make your best friends out of stupid people making stupid decisions.

3. Choose a few candidates.

I'm all about being Miss Social Butterfly, but I have about 5 girlfriends I can tell anything to.  Pick a few people you want to use your social time on.  It's going to take work.  You have to squeeze in time for pedicures and coffee and baking dates (or man time, whatever that involves).  You have to make an effort to let people into your life.  If you have friendships that have fallen by the wayside, maybe it's time to pick them back up and do a little repair work.

4. Stick with it.

Friendships take work and time.  Don't be lazy when it comes to something that could literally save your life.  You wouldn't just walk around for days without eating because you're too lazy to open the fridge.  Don't do the same thing to your social life because you think you don't have time or people wouldn't want to hang out with you.  That's crap, and you know it. 

So go make some friends.  Go join a club.  Get off that silly couch unless you're sitting there hosting a dinner party with your nearest and dearest or having a heart to heart with your actual/real time/non binary friend. 

Much love,

Little Miss Sunshine, who's in the process of making a few friendships herself.