Most of my friends have probably dropped their phones after reading this title, fumbling to find my mom's number to ask her who I've been kidnapped by. The girl who loves Valentine's Day and celebrates it by wearing all red and pink, sending scores of Valentines and singing love songs sometimes hates romance? Yes. I. Do. Oh, I still love Nat King Cole, Etta James, and Keith Urban when they sing about love, and I still love Valentine's Day. I am a steadfast optimist who clings to a pier like a survivor in a hurricane, I just hate how romance works out sometimes. Yes, hate is a strong word, but then I'm a strong girl. I like my cranberry juice strong, my opinions strong, my coffee strong, my faith strong, and my men strong.
I want to get married, have kids, bake great pies for great family reunions with my brothers' future families, and make my kids memorize poetry. Getting there is probably the least tricky bit of the whole equation, but that's the part that has me stuck. I already know how to bake a pie, but getting the guy? That's a different story. There are plenty of scenarios… I like a guy but he doesn't like me. Too bad for me. Now I have to figure out what to do with that relationship - stay friends, have some distance, etc., and I'm no closer to pies. A guy likes me but I don't like him. Too bad for him. Now I have to tell him -awkward - and make sure I'm not throwing away my last chance in life to get married. Ooh, now that sounded desperate. Lovely. I fall for a guy in Australia. Logistical nightmare. What if you get into any of these scenarios, but realize the truth after several months? No guy, no pies.
I don't like the feeling of wanting something I don't have. Cognitively, I know that human love can't cast a shadow on the way that God loves me, but sometimes I just want to go on dates and have someone to play catch and watch movies with. Sure, I want a yellow Jeep, but I can rationalize that away as unnecessary and selfish. Wanting a husband, slightly more difficult.
Why can't it be more cut and dry?? Why do we like people who don't like us and vice versa? If love was black and white, it would be a lot less confusing than 27,000 shades of gray. As I type this, my inner romantic is plugging her ears and shouting NOOOOOOOOOOO. Romance is spontaneous, irrational, head over heels roll down a hill into a field of clover! It's going for drives, candle lit dinners, holding hands, butterflies in your stomach. Nevermind that you have to reconcile two people's political and theological, not to mention social worldviews, love is about giving and going above and beyond.
Bah. I know I'm trying to analyze the force that has launched millions of books, movies and songs. When it happens, it'll just happen and if Dad's right, then I'll just know. As disorganized and unsystematic as that is, I'm hanging on for dear life to that pier in a hurricane. So help me, one day I'll be saying I DO to something besides sometimes hating romance.
Undeterred, unintrepidated, unflagging in hope for reasons to make pies, but still holding a small grudge against the chaotic disorganization of romance,
Little Miss Sunshine
No comments:
Post a Comment